Every 73 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted. One in six American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. Females 16-19 are four times more likely to be victims, and women aged 18-24 are three times more likely to experience sexual violence.
April is Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month #SAAPM. This is the month where community and survivors come together to increase awareness and work to make a difference. I want to add my voice to theirs and share information I hope to be valuable, and maybe even serve as a teaching tool for children and teenagers. For my first blog post of the month, I am going to address date rape.
Rape is defined as sexual intercourse without one party’s consent. Rape is not always violent; if a victim says “no,” but the perpetrator goes against the other’s boundaries and continues to pursue sex, it is considered rape. Rape is often not about sex or passion. It has nothing to do with love. Healthy relationships are about respect and love. When two individuals truly care about each other, they will respect the others’ wishes and not force or pressure sexual engagement without consent.
Most state laws do not use the term rape anymore, but instead sexual assault, sexual battery, or criminal sexual conduct. Though females are more commonly the victims, females can also be the perpetrator and males the victims. As of 1998, 2.78 million men in the U.S. had been victims of attempted or completed rape and about 3% of American men—or 1 in 33—have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. I also want to be clear that sexual assault is not always between members of the opposite sex; I have seen several male-on-male cases during my career and it is equally traumatizing for the victim.
Though often referred to as “date rape,” sexual assault is not limited to happening on a date. It can happen while hanging out, walking to/from school or a friends house, studying in the library, after an extracurricular event, etc. As scary as it is, you can be raped by an acquaintance, a friend, or even a relative…in up to 80% of cases, the victim knows their attacker well!
Alcohol and drugs often play a role in date rapes. Drinking can loosen inhibitions, reduce common sense, and — for some people — allow aggressive tendencies to surface. Drugs can take away one’s ability to be in control or get help. The following are common “date rape” drugs: Rohypnol (called roofies, lunch money, or mind erasers); GHB (gamma hydroxybutyric acid–called cherry meth, energy drink, gook); and ketamine (called bump, special K, and super acid).
How can you protect yourself from being sexually assaulted? How can you teach your children to protect themselves? The following are a few safety tips:
- Avoid secluded areas; meet in public places and/or stay in groups.
- Never walk to the car with a new acquaintance.
- Ensure cell phone is fully charged.
- Keep said charged cell phone handy, but do not walk around while glued to it. Be alert and aware of surroundings!
- Trust those instincts: If a situation feels off, get out!
- Stay sober and aware. Never drink something that has already been poured or opened. Date rape drugs are more easily disguised in dark-colored drinks.
- Be clear about boundaries and the nature of the relationship.
- Remember that peer pressure is never a reason to consent. “Everybody’s doing it” is a myth. Most teens are not having sex, even if they are talking about it.
- When uncomfortable, ask for help.
- Take self-defense courses. These can build confidence and teach valuable physical techniques to get away from an attacker.
Should sexual assault happen to you or someone you care about, please remember that the victim is not to blame. Victims never “ask for it” because of the clothes they wear or the way they act. If sex is forced against someone’s will, it is rape. This is true even when two people are dating, married or have had a previous sexual relationship.
Should you or someone you care about be sexually assaulted, the first thing to do is call the police and go to the hospital immediately. If possible, do not change clothes, or wash up, and do not use the bathroom–this will allow the perpetrator’s DNA to be detectable. (If time has passed since the assault, you can still get help! Go to the hospital or contact the police; provide as much evidence as possible.) Doctors can gather DNA evidence several days after a rape. The hospital also will check for STDs, administer a pregnancy test for females, and provide further medical care, as needed. Another resource is a rape crisis center. The national sexual assault hotline number is (800) 656-HOPE. These calls are anonymous and confidential. Counselors can explain the law in your area and give direction on what to do next.
This topic is close to my heart; I volunteered on the rape crisis team during graduate school, in my college town. I saw first-hand the impact on the individual and their family when they arrived at the hospital, with a police escort, to be examined and interviewed. It was and is heart-breaking to me. Sexual assault is never okay–regardless of one’s relationship with the offender. If any of you have been the victim of date rape or sexual assault, it is not your fault. You are not to blame. You are not alone. Help is available. Please contact me today to get help and begin your journey to healing.
Melissa Cluff is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in North Texas, providing face-to-face and telehealth therapy options to clients in Texas.
References:
- The Atlantic: “The Understudied Female Sexual Predator”
- Criminal Defense Lawyer: “What is Date Rape?”
- MedicineNet: “Medical Definition of Date Rape”
- Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) website
- RAINN: “Victims of Sexual Violence: Statistics”
- SLCPD: “Acquaintance Rape aka Date Rape”
- Teens Health: “What is Date Rape?”
- WebMD: “Date Rape Drugs”
