“There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” ~ Aldous Huxley
One of my very first blog posts was about a basic need that every human has but often overlooks–meaningful connection. Every single one of us wants to have meaningful connections with our friends/family/neighbors/coworkers etc. We all want to be liked, to be accepted, to be loved, and to have a social network with people that we genuinely enjoy associating with. Sometimes it is more difficult than it should be to connect with others, and sometimes we cannot help but wonder if (and why) some people do not like us. Let’s talk about likability and how to boost it so we can better connect with those around us.
What even is likability? A quick Google search will render this definition: Likability is the quality of being pleasant, agreeable, and easy to like, often characterized by friendliness, warmth, and engaging qualities. It is having certain attributes that cause others to feel favorably towards us. Likability is a key factor in how we connect with others, both personally and professionally. Research shows that people naturally like those who demonstrate positive traits like kindness, generosity, and understanding. Understanding the qualities that likable people generally possess will be instructive in helping us develop more of such attributes if we aim to.
What are some attributes do you think boost likability? Let’s dive in!
- Be fully present and engaged. The most obvious suggestion is to listen. Everyone wants to feel heard. Instead of focusing on what we are going to say next, let’s take the time to truly listen to those with whom we associate. We need to be genuinely interested in their thoughts and feelings. Additionally, we must ensure our body language matches our mental engagement; smile, make eye contact, nod when we agree, put our phones down, etc. It is so connecting to have a conversation with someone where there are no distractions and both parties are fully engaged! INSTANT likability!
- Be supportive. We do not have to fully agree with someone to acknowledge their feelings. Even a simple statement like, “That is frustrating” or “I would feel the same way” can work wonders in making others feel understood. On top of this, I encourage each of my readers to ask follow-up questions and look for common ground. This is such a great social skill because it signals immediate interest and everyone likes to feel that they are being heard. Be curious and positive! If someone is talking about something sad or hard, listen, be empathetic, but be optimistic. Absolutely do not dominate the conversation, complain, brag, be closed-minded, judge, or be a downer. All of those actions are an immediate turn-off in the likability department.
- Be in the details: Let’s try to think of a time when someone remembered a birthday or a dog’s name or another important detail that was relevant in our lives. That small act of caring goes a looooong way and is a major way to earn likability points. We can do the same–let’s try to remember names, food preferences, important dates, etc. for people in our lives. We can check in with an unhappy employee, apologize to a friend, or simply let our siblings know we appreciate them…all these actions quickly build trust and connection. We could also offer help or a meal after a neighbor’s procedure or follow-up about that important presentation a friend was preparing for. Remember what is going on in the lives of people with whom we associate with. If we can be in the details of their lives I can guarantee we will notice quickly how that act strengthens our relationships.
Above all, we just need to be real. We need to be ourselves. Obviously we all care about improving our connection with others in our lives or we would not be spending time on this blog post. Genuine engagement, unwavering support, and meticulous attention to detail create an environment where others feel truly seen, heard, and valued. And the beauty is these are skills within reach of everyone. The difference they make is profound. If we embrace these three attributes, we will unlock the transformative power of likability, building stronger, more fulfilling relationships that enrich our lives.
Here’s to meaningful connection with our loved ones! Best,
Melissa
Melissa Cluff is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in North Texas, providing face-to-face and telehealth therapy options to clients in Texas.
References:
- Brainy Quote: Likable Quotes
- Cluff Counseling: The Most Forgotten of the Human Needs
- Mind Journal: 24 Quotes That Will Help You Be Your Best Self
- The Muse: Make Yourself More Likable: 11 Simple Ways to Change Your Reputation Today
- Psychology Today: 10 Ways to Become More Likable
- Talent Smart EQ: 13 Habits of Exceptionally Likeable People
