One study found that 76% of females, between the ages of 18 to 30 years old, watch pornographic material. Although we may most commonly hear about men being addicted to pornography, women can be as well. Because the stereotypical porn addict is a man, women tend to feel shame and isolation when they “go against the norm” and become addicted to pornography. No one is exempt from falling prey to addiction–especially when pornography is so easily accessible!
There are many myths circulating about pornography usage. First is the myth that it is an accepted societal norm that men view pornography. Second, is the idea that women do not view porn. Think about a movie where you see a girl deleting her browsing history as her boyfriend walks in the door…or a scene when a woman is caught with stacks of porn magazines under her mattress. If you are unable to think of such a scene, it is because men are the ones depicted as being hooked on pornography. Not women.
A recent German sex study showed that women are just as easily at risk of becoming dependent upon porn as men. In fact, one study reports that half of young adult women agree that viewing pornography is acceptable; a 1/3 of these young women reported using porn regularly.
The truth is that pornography is highly addictive. It truly is like a drug. It has a chemical effect on the brain that first leads to compulsion and then addiction. Substances like cigarettes, alcohol, and drugs bring foreign chemicals into the body (whether it is sniffed, injected, drunk from a glass, lit on fire and smoked, etc). Behavioral addictions, like gambling and viewing porn, bring no new chemicals or substances into the body, but achieve the same effect: the brain releasing dopamine, resulting in a temporary high.
Fight the New Drug–a website dedicated to increasing awareness and providing a community for healing from pornography addiction–gives the best example of what pornography is and does to the brain:
“Porn is basically sexual junk food. When a person is looking at porn, their brain is fooled into pumping out dopamine just as if they really were seeing a potential mate. Sure, filling your brain with feel-good chemicals might sound like a great idea at first, but just like with junk food, it’s more dangerous than it seems.”
Pornography appeals to one of our primary human needs—the need to belong and connect. Because of this, both men AND women are at risk. One article cautioned readers that thinking only men are pulled into viewing pornography is ignorance. Yes, porn has been criticized for hooking males with its focus on and objectification of female bodies. But there are, in fact, women viewers of pornography. Pornography leaves no one exempt–men and women alike. The truth is that pornography is incredibly addictive–to anyone finding him- or herself in its wake.
According to several studies, men prefer watching visual erotica (pictures and movies) and women prefer actually engaging in interactive erotica (chat rooms, social media sites featuring explicit material, and webcams). Whatever its form, pornography not only impacts the brain–making its user need more and more all the more frequently–but it also harms the user’s attitudes and perception about real life sex, intimacy, and relationships. Pornography may negatively influence a woman in the following ways:
- Unrealistic expectations around sexual behaviors and performance.
- Reduced intimacy with real-life partners.
- Personal sense of inadequacy.
- Lowered self-esteem.
The excessive use of pornography can even affect a woman’s relationships with herself. One woman reported that she felt cheap, dirty, useless, insignificant, and unworthy of love or belonging. When she reached out asking for help as a 15 year-old girl, her adult-confidant did not believe someone as young and innocent as her could have such a problem. No one believed that she had a pornography addiction and needed help. She was a slave to her addiction for five more years, endlessly trying and failing to conquer her addiction on her own. She eventually reached a point of such deep self-loathing that she nearly tried to end her own life.
Most addicts strive day and night to keep their addiction a secret. It becomes an endless quest to feed the addiction while simultaneously living a double life. This is tiresome, unfulfilling, and–in the end–useless. Most of the men and women I work with know their addiction is unhealthy and want help to overcome it. While they once may have thought that viewing a little pornography would be liberating and fun, they soon find themselves a captive to its grasp. They wind up isolated, unhappy, and unsatisfied–it is a downward spiral. The only thing that is truly liberating is breaking free from addiction.
Tell somebody.
Begin breaking free by thinking of someone you trust or admire. Tell him or her what you are struggling with. It will be difficult, but having a trusted person on your side will help you not feel so alone.
Ask for help.
Next, ask a trusted friend to be your accountable buddy. Ask them if you could reach out to them when you are close to acting out, or give them permission to periodically ask how you are doing in regards to pornography. Researching and then making an appointment with a therapist is another way you can ask for help. Sometimes, just having someone else on your team–and not shouldering the burden of addiction alone–makes all the difference.
If you are a woman battling a pornography addiction, you are not alone. This is not a battle that only men face! I am here to tell you that addiction is addiction, and anyone can become addicted to the addictive, prevalent “substance” that is pornography. Anyone! Along with there being an increased awareness of this addiction, there is also help more readily available for all–male or female, child or adult.
Your sex life, virtual or physical, is one of the most intimate aspects of who you are. By opening yourself up to a new level of scrutiny, you will also open yourself up to new levels of freedom, healing, and grace. Addiction recovery is not an easy road. (In fact, I would dare to say that the only easy road is the one where you give up and stop trying.) But you are bigger and better than that! Yes, your addiction may feel stifling, but your will-power to overcome it, coupled with counseling from an experienced therapist, is stronger than even the strongest porn out there. Hope and healing is available today, now. Contact me or click here to schedule a session.
Melissa Cluff is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Lewisville, Texas, personally seeing clients in the North Dallas area.
Resources:
- American Psychological Association: “Is Pornography Addictive?”
- Cluff Counseling: “Choosing the Right Therapist for You”
- Cluff Counseling: “The Leading Cause of Addiction is Not What You Think”
- Cluff Counseling: “The New Drug”
- Cluff Counseling: “Willpower: The Powerful Pre-Step in Addiction Recovery”
- Covenant Eyes: “How Many Women are Hooked on Porn? 10 Stats that May Shock You”
- CRU: “To the Woman Addicted to Porn – You’re Not Alone”
- Fight the New Drug: “How Porn Can Become Addictive”
- Fight the New Drug: “True Story: My Lonely Journey As A Woman Who Struggles With Porn”
- LDS Living: “Why Women Struggle with Pornography Too + 5 Ways to Talk with Your Daughter About It”
- Project Know: “Women with Porn Addictions”
- Sage Journals: “Pornography Acceptance and Use Among Emerging Adults”
- The Telegraph: “Sex: Women ‘just as easily hooked on online porn as men'”
