“Falling in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness” ~ Robert Morley
It’s that time again… Valentine’s Day–the season for chocolate boxes and love notes and romantic dates…aaaaand you are single or in a relationship filled with more uncertainty than you would like. This holiday is always in-your-face, but this year it feels like a personal attack. I have five suggestions to help you get through the day of love if you find yourself struggling in the arena of romantic relationships.
First of all, I cannot recommend this enough: Recognize and appreciate the healthy, supportive relationships you DO have in your life. I know it can be challenging when you are struggling with romantic relationships, but take a look around you and celebrate other people you cherish. It might be your mom or your brother or your next door neighbor or your cubby buddy at work. Valentine’s Day does not have to be just about celebrating love interests in a romantic way; you and I can celebrate the other platonic and meaningful relationships we have. If there is a relationship that positively contributes to your life, call that person up and tell them this Valentine’s Day. Tell them what you love and value about them. It can still be a special day when you choose to appreciate the good relationships you do have in your life.
Second, define this holiday as a first in a good way. For example, instead of thinking, this is my first Valentine’s Day single or this is yet another day where my relationship falls short, choose to focus on this as the first holiday in a new era of your life. Choose to see this Valentine’s Day as a new opportunity to refocus on yourself, improve your side of your relationships, and move forward better and bolder and brighter.
Third, journal how you are different/better/happier from last year’s February 14th. Whether is it over or hard right now, how are you better because of that romantic relationship? What did you learn? What awareness have you gained? What strengths have you discovered? How are you a better person because you were in that relationship? This reflection will be a crucial step in helping you put your best foot forward in all your future relationships–not just romantic ones.
Fourth, examine your strengths as an individual. What makes you special? What are your gifts and talents? Why are you valuable? What do you have to offer to your relationships and to the world? Seeing all the good you have is a healthy pick-me-up when you are in the pits after ending a relationship or feeling down when a relationship is hard. If you are struggling to think of anything yourself, ask a trusted friend or family member. I assure you, they will be able to offer helpful insights!
And fifth, TREAT YO SELF! As you may know, the treat yo self idea is from “Parks and Rec,” where Tom Haverford explains creating time to spoil yourself and let off steam due to life’s constant stressors. In the context of Valentine’s Day and breakups and tough relationships–treat yo’self! Instead of sulking this Valentine’s because no one is buying you jewelry or chocolates or fragrances…buy them yourself! You know your preferences and likes! You are worth celebrating and you can do that yourself!
This Valentine’s Day remember all the other relationships you are surrounded with, see this February 14th as your first as a new person, ponder what you learned from your relationship as well as your strengths/gifts/talents, and treat yo’self. Be grateful every new day of life, because it truly is a gift, and celebrate those other loving, non-romantic relationships in your life.
Sending love this Valentine’s Day,
XO,
Melissa Cluff
Melissa Cluff is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in North Texas, providing face-to-face and telehealth therapy options to clients in Texas.
References:
- Cluff Counseling: A Homemade Valentine’s Day
- Cluff Counseling: The Beauty of Journaling
- Cluff Counseling: Facing the Holidays Alone
- Cluff Counseling: Finding Your Strengths
- Cluff Counseling: How to Give The Perfect Valentine’s Gift
- Cluff Counseling: Prioritizing Your Unromantic Relationships This Valentine’s Day
- Cluff Counseling: SELF-CARE IS FOR MEN TOO!
- Cluff Counseling: SELF-CARE: IS IT SELFISH?
- Cluff Counseling: Share the Love this Valentine’s Day
- Cluff Counseling: When the Pain of Relationships Dampens Valentine’s Day
- Ditch the Label: 9 Tips for Surviving Your First Valentine’s Day After a Break-Up
- Envision Wellness: Tips for Missing Your Toxic Ex on Valentine’s Day
- Her View From Home: 7 Tips for Surviving Valentine’s Day when Your Relationship Sucks
- Psycom: Hate Valentine’s Day? 8 Ways to Get Through It
- SMNASH: Inspirational Love Yourself Day!
- Stylecaster: How to Deal with Valentine’s Day When You’re Struggling
- UNSW Sydney Newsroom: OPINION Dealing with love, romance and rejection on Valentine’s Day
