“While being book-smart might help you pass tests, emotional intelligence prepares you for the real world by being aware of the feelings of others as well as your own feelings.” ~Hannah Owens
Do you know anyone who seems wise beyond their years? Who is calm and collected–even when talking about politics or other heated subjects? Someone who is able to navigate disagreements or problems with kindness, a clear mind, and steady problem-solving skills? I was discussing this type of real-life unicorn recently with a friend, and when he started talking about emotional intelligence, I knew I had found our next blog post. What is emotional intelligence, why is it important, and how can it be developed?
What is Emotional Intelligence?
The concept of emotional intelligence is also known as emotional quotient or EQ. Developing and/or strengthening your emotional intelligence is like drinking your daily 8 cups of water–it will improve every aspect of your life. Here is a FREE QUIZ to see how you score in this area of intelligence before we dig a little deeper.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, interpret, and regulate your own emotions, and understand those of other people. Those with a high EQ are highly conscious of their own emotional state–even negative ones. They are able to identify and understand what they are feeling and name their emotions–which ultimately helps manage that emotion. Because of this, the emotionally intelligent have high self-confidence and are realistic about themselves and others. Emotional intelligence skills allow for better personal well-being and interpersonal relationships. Being emotionally intelligent is linked to a range of benefits, including higher academic achievement, better decision-making abilities, and greater overall success in life.
Here are some signs of an a person with a high EQ: They are not impulsive or hasty with their actions; they think before they do; they have steady emotion regulation, the ability to reduce how intense an emotion feels; they take anger or anxiety down a notch; they are able to shift gears and lighten mood; they are able to recognize and understand the emotions of others, a skill tied to empathy; they can hear and understand another person’s point of view clearly; they are supportive of the people in their lives; they can let go of mistakes and accept/embrace change; they tend to have a strong sense of curiosity, particularly about other people; and they take ownership of their mistakes.
In short, emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive, interpret, demonstrate, control, evaluate, and use emotions to communicate with and relate to others effectively and constructively. Some experts suggest that emotional intelligence is more important than IQ for success in life! Think about it–nearly every facet of your life involves interacting with people, and emotional intelligence helps you do that successfully!
Emotionally intelligent people know that emotions can be powerful, but also temporary. For example, when a highly charged emotional event happens, such as becoming angry with a friend/family member/co-worker, the emotionally intelligent response would be to take some time before responding. This allows everyone to calm their emotions and think more rationally about all the factors surrounding the argument. A large part of emotional intelligence is being able to think about and empathize with how other people are feeling. This often involves considering how you would respond if you were in the same situation.
I recently saw a reel going around Instagram about children being explosive and argumentative. The caption was something to the extent of, “Hate to break it to you, parents, but where do you think your kids learned this?” Then it showed the mom freaking out when water spilled or yelling at the cars in traffic…and the kids silently watching. They pick up what their parents are putting down! Then the reel started talking about how to pivot and model emotional intelligence if you want to be better with that. So I have done some research and want to share how you can model EQ for yourself and others.
How to Practice Emotional Intelligence
While some people might come by their emotional skills naturally, evidence suggests that this is an ability you can develop and improve. Because emotional intelligence is used in many different ways in your daily life, you have ample opportunities to practice! The following are simple ideas to get started:
- Accept criticism as feedback and take responsibility
- Move on after making a mistake
- Say no when you need to
- Share your feelings with others
- Solve problems in ways that work for everyone
- Have empathy for other people
- Not being judgemental of others
- LISTEN TO OTHERS
- Empathize (put yourself into someone else’s shoes in order to truly understand their point of view)
- Reflect (consider how your own emotions influence your decisions and behaviors)
- Try to be more self-aware (recognize your personal strengths and limitations, ask for constructive feedback, keep a journal, learn new skills, meditate, pursue your passions, practice mindfulness, set goals, use positive self-talk, work on building a growth mindset)
Emotional intelligence is the skill you never knew you had or needed to develop; it is the final puzzle piece to having meaningful relationships, success at work, inner peace, and ultimately…happiness. When you are emotionally intelligent, you see the world as a place full of opportunities to learn and grow–regardless of setbacks or shortcomings. So, if you struggle with emotional intelligence, take heart. Start working on it today by accepting feedback, moving on from mistakes, saying no when you need to, sharing your feelings, listening, having empathy for others, etc etc. Let’s work on improving our EQ today, not only for ourselves, but for future generations. Challenge accepted!
Melissa Cluff is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in North Texas, providing face-to-face and telehealth therapy options to clients in Texas.
References:
- Cluff Counseling: The Beauty of Journaling
- Cluff Counseling: There’s No Limit to What We Can Set Our Minds To Do!
- Cluff Counseling: The Magic of Saying No
- Cluff Counseling: Mindfulness
- Cluff Counseling: Mindfulness: Good for the Body, Mind, Soul & So Much More!
- Cluff Counseling: Neuroplasticity: Your Brain Can Learn New Tricks
- Cluff Counseling: New Year, CHANGED You
- Cluff Counseling: The Power of Self-talk
- Cluff Counseling: Self-Esteem & Self-Worth: Two essential Components of the Self
- Cluff Counseling: Tips & Tricks to Managing Anxiety
- Psychology Today: Emotional Intelligence
- Very Well Mind: 5 Key Emotional Intelligence Skills
- Very Well Mind: Emotional Intelligence: How We Perceive, Evaluate, Express, and Control Emotions
- Very Well Mind: How Emotionally Intelligent Are You? (quiz)
- Very Well Mind: Utilizing Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace
